Old story

Once upon the time, its a long time ago, there was a little girl living. Humans did not exist yet, so she was not really a girl as would be regarded today. On the other hand it could not be said that she was an animal and hence a puppy or kitten. Whatever she was, she was born just 7 years earlier, before this story took place as kind of pre-human species. She could walk an two legs, but had more hair on her body. Less than a monkey or ape, though. Her face was shaped different than a human face, a mixture between ape and human characteristics with brown soft eyes. She was part of a group. Although they had not a language yet, they could communicate with each other through sounds , gestures and gazes. The group was at a state of evolution where they started to learn how to use some very simple tools and knew how to take fire, but they could not make it themselves yet. They were not wearing clothes or shoes yet but had some items and furs to put on or around their body.

This particular young being had not long ago lost her parents. They all had been wandering through the snow at the edge of a cliff. Suddenly a wild animal attacked and separated her parents from the group. She saw how they were slipping and falling off the cliff. After that she never saw them again.

There was some anticipation, the feeling the parents might come back but she did not think yet as humans do. She could not have nor express hopes, she felt a longing. she had emotions but did not react to them as we do now. hr the case of missing someone, nothing could be done rather than living with the feeling. She could not talk about it. She could not understand death. She felt loneliness and fear but life went on. Others of the group shared food with her and let her sleep near them. Time passed by, others had taken care of her. She had learned how to find food. She knew what was edible and what would be bad for her. There was one male who decided that she would be his, although she was not yet fertile. He took care of her, gave her to eat and chased other males away. She had not been asked whether she agrees or not. The male was strong and a bit brute, he could defend her. That was good.

The group had found a good place to stay, with plenty of food even enough in winter. There was a big cave in which they all stayed.

One day, when she was looking for food she had found something precious in a smaller cave a bit higher above the mountain. There in the back she found the shell of a big turtle, old, already broken here and there at the edges but in large intact. She tried to put it on her back. It fitted, she felt very protected. It took a while to approach it to find it is something unanimated which would not attack her and was of no danger. It was as if it had been made for her little childlike body. She could move freely and it didn’t fall off. Her male didn’t seem to like it. He almost didn’t recognize her and got ready for an attack when he finally noticed that it is she.

Although she had this male to protect her and her shell, she always felt fear. She did not know it was fear. It was a strong instinct to either run or hide, every little sound that she heard got her ready to get up and run and hide. She could feel her little heart beat fast in her chest in such moments. If she had been able to put it in words she would have said she doesn’t like it. Things happened and it seemed there was little influence on what was happening within the being which was not really aware of itself yet and around.

There was some awareness and that was the awareness of danger. And danger was everywhere. There were animals big and mighty, other two legged beings, poisonous fruit and animals, the snow in winter, males, even other females could be dangerous sometimes.

One day in winter after her parents had fallen down the cliff, the male came close to her and held her and tried to get off the shell of her back. He wanted to mate. Instinctively she defended herself, she did not know what he wanted, he was different from usually. She had seen others mating, she knew what he wanted but she could not understand why he wanted it and she didn’t like it at all. She ran away. He was behind her. She ran to the cave higher up, where she had found the shell. It was not easy to access and with snow and ice it was slippery. One part of the path was along the cliff. She hid and then she saw him approach, looking around for her, following her trace in the snow he would find her and then there was no escape! She jumped out of her hiding place and sprang against his body. She got hold at a tree trunk, he slipped down the cliff just as her parents had done. She stared down the cliff but could not see him. She was awake, alert. Something was working within her, she had just experienced her first moment of awareness of fear, of being conscious and acting according to her will, deciding that she didn’t want the male and remembering how the parents had disappeared out of her life and taking action accordingly.

For a moment she felt strong, invincible. Then insecure whether he would really not come back same as her parents, then she had another moment of awareness and understanding, if he would not be back, who would then protect her, who would give her food? The heart was beating fast as never before. She did not understand that she had made a mistake, such things were unknown to her but she had tremendous fear and wanted him climbing up the cliff. She stared into the snow below. Nothing. The sound of wind. howling, then other sounds. Someone was coming. It smelled strange, the wind had brought the smell of other two legged beings who were different than those of her group. Those could attack and kill easy, they used sharp sticks.

she ran fast up to the cave. It was a small cave, wide open entrance and only a few meters deep but in the back was a big stone. There she had found the shell. The stone was big enough for her to hide. There was a sound in her ears of her heart pumping the blood. She had never been in greater terror then now. She tried to crouch as small as possible into the shell behind the stone, trying not to move, but her breath was so strong. The smell of the two legged beings came closer quickly they had followed her trace. The smell was now stronger than the smell of the earth to which her nose was close.  She was stunned of fear. She heard the steps close to her and had the impulse to look but she could not move. Her breath had now become very short and fast. Then she knew that they had seen her, she felt their glances through the shell at her back.

Her head turned around, she had another moment of awareness and cognizing. She knew that she could not escape, she had seen what happened when a prey was hunted down, she was now the prey and the shell was no protection. Not knowing what an end is she knew instinctively ‘this si the end’ the blood whirring in hear ears. She understood that she was in terrible fear and would end and wanted to see the two legged predators for the first and last time close. Before she could come to any conclusion about what she saw, there was pain from the spears that had turned her over and pierced her belly first and then her chest. then it got a bit clod and the pain was gone. Then that was the end.

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