idiot again

Since over 30 years I know this zen story and I thought it is obvious and I understand. Now it is still obvious and I think I understand, different though.


There is a man standing in a forest. In his hand a thorny fruit. He is holding it tight, pressing it and screams in pain. A monk passes by and hears the man screaming. He approaches and asks ‘What is it? Why are you screaming?’ The man says: ‘I have a thorny fruit in my hand and it is so painful’. The monk says: ‘Drop it.’ and goes his way.”


Conceited as I am I always felt being in the role of the monk who understands that one has to drop what hurts and harms and the man who holds it tight is an idiot.


Well, roles are distributed different from what I thought. Again I find myself being the idiot. It doomed me already when I wrote that I have to drop the concept of love as I know it. And now its certain. I have to drop what is the most precious to me and the clearer I see, the tighter I try to hold on to it. 


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