travel kamma

After the ordination as Bhikkhuni I had the chance to do a retreat for 2 weeks in this beautiful forest. Then the training went on. It was quite obvious to me that I was sick, had vomits and pain very often and getting weaker, walking up and down the hill several times per day used up my recources. But having that happy smile of being finally ordained it was not obvious to others that I felt so bad physically. My Dhamma lesson of this time was: physical suffering and mental suffering is seperate and it is possible that one suffers quite a lot physically yet does not suffer mentally from that. The Buddha was talking about two darts of suffering that a uninstructed worldling is pierced by whe he suffers. The first dart the physical suffering, the second dart the mental suffering that is coming along with the physical suffering. Or, as my teacher Ajahn sais: pain is unavoidable, suffering is optional. Doesn’t always work… But it is really good to know.   After leaving the forest I went back to Thailand for retreat with my teacher and then back to America for some more Training. Backt to Thailand, then to Sri Lanka where I was invited to help teach. The first 2 or 3 months were really great. I lived in a cave-kuti, the life was simple, food from almsround in the village vegetarian and the spirt of the community harmonious-happy-relaxed. That changed drastically at one point and so I decided it is tie to let go of this community and to go back ‘home’ to my teacher. In this timeframe of two years I really travelled a lot. Health was quite bad, and I went to see the doctor couple of times the ditected parasites, giardia, amoebes and all sorts of e coli bacteries had weakend the system so that I caught flues, got shingles and infectuous arthritis. It took this body almost these two years to build up some strength of immune system. But now I’m almost ok, just still get tired quickly. Mae chii Sudjai, my Thai-mom stiffes me with healthy rice with bean and veggies. All my life I had been traveling very much and I thought I do this because I want to do. In the end I became so tired of traveling and just wanted to stay at one place and rest this body and calm down this mind. Traveling will continue and I understand now that traveling is due to kamma not due to my wish.

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