Still I am at the lay peoples house and the best is, they are as happy to have me as visitor as i’m to be their guest. She told me that she was afraid and worried before I came, how it will be to host a nun. Yesterday she asked if I could extend my stay …
The best is, she has a lot of questions about meditation and I can give her answers. The man i hardly meet, and I never spoke with him.
Day before yesterday I finished sewing the bhikkhuni vest so that I have now one entire st of robes complete. After finishing sewing I started to learn pali, second lesson today, it’s easier that Thai.
I can meditate a lot but my concentration is not strong these days. Lots of thoughts are swirling through the mind.
Yesterday I met Ajaan, again I asked about Bhikkhuni ordination. He lately changed his mind and tells me I cannot stay with him as my teacher after ordination. asked if I can stay with him if I wait until he can do the ordination and then ordain with him, he said: “that’s possible”? asked if I could until then continue to keep the Bhikkhuni rules he said: “if you do not claim to be a Bhikkhuni” asked if I could come back when ordained as Bhikkhuni with someone else he answered: after 5 years.” “After two years, then, it’s two years for Bhikkhunis to stay with their preceptor” I said.
The situation is difficult, there is presently no place for me, there is just no room, and if or when the situation will change is most uncertain.
So I was thinking last night what to do … Give up every further try to receive ordination and hope that in one and a half year, when Ajaan is ready to ordain, that he until then didn’t change his mind and still is willing to give me ordination and that the situation with the meditation center will be better and there will be room for me to stay.
Or just go for ordination whenever with whomever it will be given and forget about Ajaan.
Not an easy question.
I’m open for input.