Last night was the hardest night since long. At least since i was sitting in front of the buddhastatues crying and taking farewell of the world because i thought i was dying.
Last night i realized that i can’t help my mother, my brother and sister and dog. Especially mother and dog … I feel so responsable for them and want to help them. How nice.
But it’s selfish clinging. Tztztz.
It’s not that they can’t live without me, rather i can’t live without them. What is the wish to help – the wish to control. Same as the worries the other day.
The point is not to not love them, but to love them in a way without clinging.



  1. I curse our ability to think sometimes, and I am afraid too our ability to love. We are here, maybe, then we are not. I dont find this comforting some nights and for sure the enormousness of death towers over me. As I have said, this goes away somewhat if I stop thinking. I think Buddhism has beauty. We need spiritual practioners. And if a tibetan or zen monk can have a wife I am sure one day when it suits a theravada nun can have a dog, not to mention a mother and brother.Peace and happiness to you.

  2. Dear budd tcw ha,I tried to laugh silent but i guess i woke up my neighbors. Your comment about tibetan and zen monks having wifes so one day a theravada nun … was so delighting. Right comment at the right time. Thanks.Yes, one day a nun can have a dog, a mother and a brother [and sister!] Trying to get rid of it i only manifested the attachment. It's much easier, a swift change of mind.may the power be with you :o)

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