Since 2 days garlic again, no more extrafood, which i understand, to be honest. The bhikkhunis left, so i’m the only one who askes for food without garlic. Hence, i do mindful vomiting and have diarreah again. I’ll eat rice with sauce for now and receive snacks and fruit sometimes. that’ll do.
Today in the afternoon i was sweeping leaves around the kuti of a kitchen-nun, when she came out and started to ask where i come from. ‘Germany’, i said. ‘germans have a lot of money’, said she. I tried to tell her that economy is going down, i’m not sure wether my gestures with the arms could explain the whole extend of recession in europe. She frankly asked if i have money. I went to get the thai-book and tried to explain that i get donations sometimes and i use some of it for telefone and internet to stay in touch with my family, friends and students, for visa and robecloth, but that i don’t want to touch money – like a monk, [i shouldn’t have said that because most thai monks handle money without seeing fault in it] because it’s not good and the buddha said monks and nuns should not touch it. ‘Ohh! I touch money and i like it.’ was her spontaneous answer, ‘but i don’t get some’. [which i know is not true because i gave her the envelope i received a week or 2 ago and i know it contained money.]
Wanting to go back to the forest, to be alone, to leave thailand. But who am i to judge, now as i found out that defilements are really deep rooted in my mind.
Not only compassion [karuna]is lacking, some more patience [khanti] might be helpful, too.