I’m on retreat again. Diffrent then usually, i say myself if i stay with one nyana for only hours or for days.
Thought i will do the first in one hour … But decided after one day to continue and look deeper, if possible. Rising and falling, all about impermanence.
I asked if i can continue reading the abhidhamma but ajahn said, no, read in your heart not in books.
Today i was rebuked because i meditated only 10 hours, do 12! But now i can read little. It really helps, before i acknowledged a feeling or a thought, now i know right away if it’s wholesome or unwholesome and in the latter case i can let go right away of the feeling or thought.
While walking meditation i try to seperate intention which is a mere impulse from volition, one second from the next,
Things are happening too fast, i need milliseconds and don’t have the time to fully say in mind what i note. I acknowledge and know that i know.
But then again – long periods of drowsiness. Wanting to get up from sitting before the alarm rings …
The shape of the body dissapeared and i saw millions of cells, glimmering and then changing form, rushing through different bodies or forms in quick alteration. some cells always vanishing, dying, others appering so fast, that it was not easy to see, that they all dissaper at their time. It was interesting, breathtaking. at one moment, when the cells had millepede-form, it was short black because a bigger form stepped on ‘my’ millipede-form and i took chance to say “seeing, seeing” and go back to the rising and falling of the abdomen.