retreat

never before have i practiced so much and so intense meditation. before i started i told them that i will not speak, exept in the reporting room. i received a “keeping silence” button which was really helpful. lot’s of people asked about phra noah, about nadya [she went to see a friend – i wasn’t talking anyway] about my brown robes and where i come from etc. and i could just point at the button on my chest and depart friendly smiling face to ground in slow motion.
the first day i did 12 hours meditation and 6 hours sleep. then 14/5 for 3 days, then 16/4 until no sleep for 2 days in the end.
walking and sitting by turns.
still i’m far, far away from the goal – the freedom from suffering. but i did understand some about the anatta and the sunyata deaper than before. it had helped a lot to learn a bit about the abhidhamma before going on retreat.
i’m told to study the abhidhamma and develop stronger mental power.
i saw, as well, which are the biggest obstacles on my path.
dog’s amongst it.
before i went the thought occured to me if i eventually will be one day invited to help to set up a meditation center in america. and on determination this thought arose again with other thoughts about the direction in which it may be wise to turn the next step.

the most astonishing that happend during course was that one moment during meditation i suddenly jumped up, took my robe folded it and put it on like the monks do, with the folded part on the shoulder. the interesting point in it is, that i have never done it before and nobody ever showed me how to do it. so i was very surprised to notice me standing there in robes in the middle of the room.

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