new info on Bhikkhunis

Before I was taken to see a doctor for this food poisoning, I was lying in my room in kind of a delirium, in which i saw my body dying and rotting, eaten by worms and larves, falling apart become dust.
It was extremely realistic and clear. I do the meditation on death sometimes, but it never had the sharpness and clearness of what i saw a few days ago. The worms and larves part was quite disgusting, though …but i watched it, knowing it is real although this is not the time and the place it is happening.

I feel kind of urgency afterwards to practice more intense to work harder to get rid of defilements and attachments.

That same day Lumpoh went to the “6-walkingsteps-monk” of whom i wrote earlier and who had invited us to come, alone. Doesn’t matter, he’ll invite us again if he really want to talk to me.

Last night I received latest news from Wat Ram Poeng. One of the Mae Chii’s became Bhikkhuni and wears the robes in the same color than the monks do. She stays at Wat Ram Poeng. I was so impressed and excited that i almost couldn’t sleep.
I feel too weak to go to town, otherwise I would run to ask all details aboubt the Bhikkuni’s ordination and if I can do it, too.
Have I said in one of the former posts I’m not interested in becoming Bhikkhuni anymore? The new info and the new arisen urgency seem to have changed my mind about that again.


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