I am too proud. There are two mayor problems here, 1. the i still thinks it is. and 2. the pride.
If i could manage to get rid of the thought that there is something like an i, the pride would dissapear in the same moment.
But for now it seems easier to work on not being proud anymore.
This kilesa is not always present, i’m able to be humble as well, but it comes up to often.
Day before yesterday a monk, abbot of a bigger monastery of the district came to visit. Not to see me but the old monk,of course. But it turned out, that he could speek a very good english and he was very interested in what i’m doing in this small shabby monastey with no important monks around. I told him that the old monk might not be important but he has a good heart, at least.
He asked a lot of questions and told that he wants to build a meditationhall and teach meditation. When he came i was doing walking meditation iin the buddhahall, he saw me doing it and asked me how many steps i’m doing. 6, i said. He only remembered 5 and had me show him how i’m doing it.
Maybe it was a prove.?
At the end he asked me to give him my telephon number, he wanted to invite me.
Next day i heard how the old monk talked with one of the villagers he told that the abbot was very pleased and impressed of my meditationskills.
Yes, i was proud for a moment.