ego strikes back

Thought of my father last night who died yesterday [15., the blogtime is incorrect maybe it’s european time] two years ago. It’s a strong lesson of impermanence when a parent dies, no matter what you felt for them when they were still alife. One should really try to clear everything with them as long as it’s possible.
Impermanece is easy to see and easy to understand but so difficult to accept. It’s just not what we want. :o)
I was about to think that more than half of my life is spent, a third left, and tryed to see and accept impermanence as what it is. A truth, as reality.
Suddenly, in a moment of unawareness ego took it’s chance and started compaining. It’s too cold, go somewhere where bathtubs full of hot foamy water await, why you wear no shoes, feet are hurting sooo much, why you do this stupid determination with no sleeping as long as possible? You are alone, you could sleep 8 hours ore even longer if you wanted … And so on, and so on … Why are you doing this???
Simple answer: because i can.

The old monk is back. He’s sick, sais he. He looks like he really is, his skin is grey/green.
asking for phra no-aa and coughing like “i want somewone to care for me.” i shared my almsfood with him and gave him a hot gingertea.
Yesterday a bunch of people came here to look for a dog who belongs to someone of the village who comes back today from bangkok.
They told me that my old brother is drinking whiskey every day. That’s why he pied without shame standing in front of the buddhahall the other day, i thought …
Anyway, he is not one of the real bad monks.

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